Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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