too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
