did you get engaged???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
