$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my poor anus
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
