I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
