I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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