Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize