I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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