Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
