They should really pass out barf bags in church
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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