He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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