Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
