Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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