There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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