Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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