I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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