are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
