Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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