You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want nice things and good sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
