franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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