Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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