I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
