he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
