yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
