I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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