I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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