Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
