I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
