I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
