haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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