I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
