She is in my trunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
