We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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