I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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