The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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