I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
