I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
