turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
