Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
