1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
