Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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