just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
