quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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