I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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