We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
