you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
