Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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