Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
