The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
