If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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