how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
