Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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