oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
