Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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