she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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