can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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