i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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