my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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