you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
