dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
