At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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