there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
