In the future we'll all be gay
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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