I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
