I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
