just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
