I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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