Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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