Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
