I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
vagina is talking i cant
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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