i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
