I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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