oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
