I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
